His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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