i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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