until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
