Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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