you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
