he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
