dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
