we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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