I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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