We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
