After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
