Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
