dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
