is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
