Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
