So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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