If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
