my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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