my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
