Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
