Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
