dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
