I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
