Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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