If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
