Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
