Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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