So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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