i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone came in the potted fern
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
