You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
