i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
