the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
