Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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