That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
