She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Every concussion has its silver lining
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
