I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
