He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
