you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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