before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
