The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
