There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
