I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
