I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
