Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
