You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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