Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
