she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
