You smell like a Billy Joel song
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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