This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
