Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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