Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
never play flip cup with pint glasses
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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