this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
