I wish I could punch you in the face.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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