I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
