So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
