You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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