I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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