He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The uberlube is also flammable
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
