toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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