are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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