You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
