its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He passed out mid-signature
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
